HILARIOUS COMEDY JOKES 

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.

Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle.

The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke.

After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness.

They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking.

Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once.

At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot:

“You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we aren’t going to know when to take off!”

Hilarious Comedy Jokes -- Funny Hilarious Comedy Jokes -- Basketball Jokes

Olaf and Lena were on a baseball bus trip from Fargo, North Dakota to Minneapolis, Minnesota, to see the Twins baseball game.

Thirty miles out of Fargo, the bus broke down and all passengers had to disembark.

Olaf says to Lena, “Hey, Lena, let’s go over dere in da bushes and have some fun.” “Oh, no,” says Lena. ” Ve couldn’t do dat.”

They get back on the repaired bus, but the bus breaks down again 50 miles farther down the road.

Again Olaf asks Lena to join him for some fun in the bushes, but she again refuses.

The bus repaired, they get back on, drive 29 miles more, and again the bus breaks down, and Olaf asks Lena, “Can we go over dare in da bushes and have some fun? Lena says, “Ya, ve can do dat.”

So they go over and have their fun. Back on the bus, Olaf asks Lena why she refused the first two times, but accepted the third time.

Lena replies, “Vell, I heard somebody on the bus say that if dis bus doesn’t get to Minneapolis pretty soon, the f***ing season will soon be over.”

Hilarious Comedy Jokes -- Funny Hilarious Comedy Jokes -- Bank Jokes

A crusty looking old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."

To which the astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir.

I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank."

With that the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation.

The both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem", the man says, "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see", says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

Hilarious Comedy Jokes -- Funny Hilarious Comedy Jokes -- Golfing Jokes

Moses and Jesus were out golfing. They came to the 12th hole where you had to hit over a small pond.

Jesus got up on the tee and Moses asked him what club he was going to use to get over the water.

"I'm hitting a 7-iron," replied Jesus, "that's what Arnold Palmer hits with on this hole."

Moses told him he didn't think he could make it with a 7-iron, but Jesus insisted, "If Arnold Palmer hits a 7-iron over so can I."

He hits the 7-iron and sure enough he it right in the middle of the pond. He told Moses to retrieve his ball, so Moses parted the waters and walked out and brought it back to him.

He asked Jesus again, "Now what club are you going to use?" Jesus replied, "A 7-iron, if Arnold Palmer can do it so can I."

He hits again and back into the water it goes. He sends Moses after the ball again.

Moses parts the waters and brings it back again and asks the same question.

Jesus says, "Arnold Palmer uses a 7-iron and I know I can too."

Moses says disgustingly, "If you hit it in the water this time I am not going after it, you will have to go get it yourself."

So Jesus hits the 7-iron again and sure enough, back in the water so he walks upon the water and goes after it.

About that time another golfer comes by, looks out and sees Jesus walking on the water and says to Moses, "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus?"

"No," says Moses, "he thinks he's Arnold Palmer."

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