SHORT IRISH JOKES
Two English ladies were discussing their vacation plans on a London street corner near an Irish lady.
"We're planning a lovely holiday in Devon this year," said one...
"Oh you oughtn't
to do that," said the other,
"there are Irish there!"
"Dear me!" said the first lady. "Well where are you going?"
"Salisbury," she replied.
"But Salisbury is simply crawling with Irish!" the first objected.
At this point the Irish lady could no longer hold her tongue.
"Why don't ye go to hell," she suggested. "There be no Irish there!"
Short Irish Jokes -- Michael and Frances
Two howaya sluts walk into Brown Thomas (Dublin),
they stroll up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it:
'Dat's quite nice innit, don't you tink Jacinta?'.
'Yeah, what's it called?'.
'Viens a moi' 'VIENS A MOI, what the f*** does that mean?
At this stage the assistant offers some help.
'Viens a moi, ladies, is French for "come to me".
Sharon, takes another sniff and offers her arm to Jacinta again saying,
"That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?"
Short Irish Jokes: Irishmen and a Blonde
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.
Paddy replied,
"We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder."
The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down.
She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches.
Then, she walked off.
Mick said to Paddy, "Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the height and she gives us the length."
Short Irish Jokes
The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink.
But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable,
the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs.
"Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.
"I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man.
"And why not?"
"Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"
Short Irish Jokes
For a holiday, Mulvaney decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn.
He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide.
Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin.
"Hooray!" shouted
the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!
"Yeah," said Mulvaney. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"
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Irish Jokes
