A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods,
one of them
falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes rolled back in his head...
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead. What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy.
I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead".
There is silence; then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
Short Very Funny Jokes
An alsation went into a telegram office, took a blank form, and wrote: "Woof. Woof.
Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof".
The clerk politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here.
You could send another woof for the same price".
"But", the dog replied, "that would make no sense".
Short Very Funny Jokes
This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very worried.
She says: "Doctor, take a look at me.
When I woke up this morning,
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin all wrinkled and pasty,
my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face.
What's wrong with me, doctor?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes and then calmly says:
"Well I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight .."
Short Very Funny Jokes -- Fly Jokes
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
Hunting Flies" He responded.
Oh!, Killed any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone".
Funny Jokes -- Diving
One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level.
He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.
The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later.
The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof pad and pencil, and wrote,
“Amazing! How are you able to stay this deep down without equipment?”
The guy took the pencil and pad, erased what the diver had written, and wrote,
“I'm drowning, you moron!”
Short Very Funny Jokes -- Airplane Jokes
Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year.
Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."
And every year Edna would say,
"I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, "Edna, I'm 71 years old.
If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."
Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal.
I'll take you both up for a ride.
If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word,
I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."
Fred and Edna agreed and up they go.
The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard.
He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
They land and the pilot turns to Fred,
"By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Fred replied, "Well, I was going to say something when Edna fell out of the plane, but ten dollars is ten dollars.