Short Swedish Jokes

There was a fire in the royal library in Stockholm, and the king was utterly depressed because both books were burned and he'd only gotten around to painting in one of them.

There were these two Swedish twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.

The little Swedish kid asked his teacher why the days in the summer were so much longer. The teacher answered, "Oh, that's because the heat makes everything expand."

-- Short Swedish Jokes --

"Dad, I'm pregnant," the daughter said. "Hey, wait a minute. Are you sure it's yours?" the Swedish father responded.

A Norwegian was complaining to a Swede about the high price of petrol. The Swede just responded, "I don't care much about that. I always fill up for 100 kronor anyways."

A Swedish student was in a bookstore. "This book will do half the job for you," the clerk said. "Good, I will have two, " the Swede replied.

Did you hear that abortion has caught on so well in Sweden that now there's a 10 month waiting period.

A Swede was asked if he had lived in Stockholm all his life. "Not yet," he answered.

A Norwegian and a Swede were competing to see who could reach furthest out of a window. Quite suddenly the Swede won.

-- Short Swedish Jokes --

A Swede called the airline and asked how long it would take for a plane to get from Stockholm to Paris. "Just a moment," the clerk said. "Oh, thank you," the Swede replied and hung up.

A Swede was reading the phonebook, "Svenson... Svenson.. Svenson.. It's incredible how many phone numbers that guy has."

There was this Swedish teacher who was yelling at his class because they were so incredibly lazy, "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you flunk this math class," he said. One of the kids put up his hand. "But there aren't that many in this class," he said.

What's written on the bottom of bottles in Sweden?

"Öppnas pÃ¥ andra sidan". (Open in the other end).

Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Sweden?

It's impossible to find three wise men there, let alone a virgin.

What happens to the average IQ in Norway and Sweden if a dumb Norwegian moves to Sweden?

It increases in both countries.

-- Short Swedish Jokes --

What do the signs on the roundabouts in Sweden say?

"Högst fyra varv." (Max 4 rounds)

What is the penalty for suicide in Sweden?

Life in prison.

The Swedish doctor was so afraid of bacteria, that he cooked his ice-cubes before he put them in his drink.

Why do Swedes always drink their milk in the store?

Because on the packet it says: Öppnas här. (Open here).

Why don't Swedes want to sit on the second floor of double-decker buses?

Because there's no driver.

Why are Swedish jokes getting sillier and sillier?

Because the Swedes have started to make them up themselves.

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