Valentines Day Jokes

Top economist Valentine's Day cards

4. You raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding dropoff in consumer enthusiasm.

3. Let's raise housing starts together.

2. You stoke the animal spirits of my market.

1. Despite your decade of inflation, I still love you.

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

-- Valentines Day Jokes --

My dear wife is always going on and on and on about NOT making a fuss over her on Valentine's Day.

She repeats that it's the thought that counts.

Well, I put a lot of thought into the gifts from previous February 14ths but she didn't quite take to any of them like I assumed she would.

Here's my list - see what you think:

* Brand new mop and bucket.

I was thinking it would be fun to see what colour the floor was because I couldn't remember.

* Romantic dinner at fast food restaurant.

I was thinking that she might like to go inside for a change instead of fetching dinner at the drive through.

* Chocolates left-over from last year's candy box. I was thinking of how proud she'd be of me for not wasting food. She's been nagging me for years to recycle.

* Midnight moped ride through the park. I was thinking that I'm getting too old to be peddling on the bike.

* Dozen roses printed on high quality photo paper. I was thinking these would last a lifetime instead of just a week.

* 45 second back massage. I was thinking any longer and she might think I was interested in something else.

* Windows Vista. I was thinking how proud she would be to be a part of the technology crowd.

-- Valentines Day Jokes --

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.

After she woke up, she told her husband,

"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.

What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it - only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".

-- Valentines Day Jokes --

It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first date.

They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start.

The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand.

Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound.

The film began but the silence continued.

Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted'

Okay, who's got the remote control?'

What Other Jokes Have Been Submitted

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

knock knock Not rated yet
knock knock who is there you love you love who I am not telling!

knock knock jokes Not rated yet
knock knock whos there? pig. pig who? pig mama

valentine cards Not rated yet
Who sends thousands of valentine cards signed "guess who"? Divorce lawyer.

More Valentines Day Jokes:
Short Valentine Day Jokes

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